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Joke of the Day

"What did the samurai do...? Q: What did the samurai do when he was dishonored by his inability to complete the crossword puzzle? A: He committed ritual sudoku."

"What do you call it when Batman skips church? Christian Bales"

"[ambulance] medic: sir do you need oxygen me: no dying is fine"

"My wife thinks our sex life has got boring and I'm easily distracted... Oh well, better get back to it I suppose."

"How does a feminist screw in a light bulb? She holds the bulb up to the socket and then expects the world to revolve around her."

"Use chemicals to remove polish and no one bats an eye, Use chemicals to remove the Polish and you're literally Hitler."

"*requests Uber* *climbs in backseat* Uber driver: ""Where to?"" Me: ""oh, nowhere. I just don't like to change my diaper in the street."""

"wife: im pregnant me: what? im not ready to be a mother we still have petty arguments wife: im the mother me: this is what I'm talking about"

"""I knew he was the murderer when I saw him on the dance floor,"" Holmes said. ""You see, Watson, guilty feet have got no rhythm."""

"So the guy says when i die, burry me where i was born. then they burry him in his mothers pussy"