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Joke of the Day

"[ambulance] medic: sir do you need oxygen me: no dying is fine"

"Does putting ketchup on everything affect your credit score?"

"What do you do if an Elephant comes through your window? Swim for your life!"

"I asked my girlfriend if she could wake me up with oral sex. I woke up to her sitting on my face."

"What sound does Reddit make when it blows up? Pao! Edit: Whoa, FP *and* gold. Thank you!"

"Why do they call it ""Ben Folds Five""? Because he folds five penises and puts them into little drawers!"

"Headed to police station to go through mugshots for a date tonight. I don't trust ChristianMingle."

"How did the toilet paper beat the asshole in the election? With a smear campaign."

"A beggar asked me if I had any pennies and so i unzipped myself and showed him my dick"

"What's the difference between a horny girl and a hungry girl? Where she puts the cucumber.."