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Joke of the Day

"After God had finished creating 24 hours of alternating light and darkness... One of his angels asked him what he was going to do next. He said, ""I think I'm going to call it a day."""

"The kids wanted the Zero Gravity Laser Racer, a toy car that follows a laser. I handed them a flashlight and pointed at the cat."

"Q: Why can't you play Uno with a Mexican? A: They steal all the green cards."

"leonardo dicaprio would have won 8 oscars by now if he was named after one of the cooler turtles"

"Jesus was the original crossfit."

"Senate: Red House: Red Supreme Court: Red President: Orange"

"I come to Twitter for the recipe trading, but I stay for the overt racism!"

"pope: love all *everyone cheers* *he serves a tennis ball right into the crowd* pope: fifteen-love"

"Being Irish means getting rip-roaring drunk on special occasions. For example, when you celebrate dinner."

"If someone's mean to you, just lean in and whisper ""I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world"" to them & get that monstrosity stuck in their head."