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Joke of the Day

"pope: love all *everyone cheers* *he serves a tennis ball right into the crowd* pope: fifteen-love"

"What's black and blue and hates sex? The boy scout in my trunk."

"I've only seen Magic Mike, can I see Magic Mike XXL... ...or do I need to see the other 28 in between first?"

"How I want to die... I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather...not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car."

"How did hitler tie his shoes? In little nazis"

"[kids fighting in the back seat] ME: I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL PULL OVER AND START A PODCAST RIGHT NOW IF YOU 2 DON'T CUT IT OUT."

"Leave it to the military to take a fun activity like a clusterfuck and put a negative spin on it."

"So I confronted and cursed my son out for being in a relationship with a man..... He told me his partner was a Tranny and I felt like such an idiot. Sorry Ma'am. Your masculine face had me off."

"A cannibal showed up late to the luncheon His friends gave him the cold shoulder."

"Dad: ""Go to your room now!"" Child: *storms off* ""Jim Morrison was overrated!"" Dad: ""What did I tell you about slamming the Doors?!"""