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Joke of the Day

"Niece (4): Uncle, what do you get if you mix blue and purple? Me: Blurple. *She walks away satisfied and amazed at all the things I ""know"""

"No thanks CVS, I don't need a bag. I'll just wrap up my purchase in the 12 foot receipt you just gave me."

"Michael Phelps won his 21st olympic gold medal. You could say he's swimming in them!"

"LPT: A lot of people cry when they chop onions, the trick is not to form an emotional bond."

"Fun game: if someone wants to shake your hand, sniff your fingers first and then see if they still want to."

"Who makes the music for the Marvel movies? The Avengers Ensemble."

"How are you getting on with the Internet? Surf far so good."

"Why is President Carter important to Hamburger Land in April? One the opening day of the baseball season he throws out the first meatball!"

"What are four hundred rabbits hopping backwards? A receding hare line."

"What's the first thing to go through a bug's mind when it hits a windshield. Its asshole."