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Joke of the Day

"Have girl problem? Feel bad for you son. I live in Russia. Have 99 problems. Bear ate car. Wife ate bear. Son ate wife. I eat son now?"

"My wife is actually mad at me for being so excited to see her mother tonight.... The viewing is at 7pm."

"On this day eleven years ago, Greece won Euro 2004. Today, Greece would be happy with 2004 Euros."

"If Johnny Cash were alive today. He'd probably just be known as Johnny Credit/Debit."

"I'm having one of those off days For example, this morning, I made a bowl of cereal, but instead of putting the milk back in the fridge and the cereal back in the pantry, I fucked my neighbors wife"

"Why do nymphomaniacs like submarines? Because they're long, hard and full of seamen."

"What is a phobia of chainsaws called? Common sense."

"Any celebrities who are thinking of dying soon, please befriend me so I can relate a moving and humorous anecdote when you pass."

"You want to know what's the toughest part about Thanksgiving dinner at my house? The sexual tensions"

"Nobody believes in racial profiling until they get a sushi chef with red hair."