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Joke of the Day

"Alcohol is a perfect solvent. It dissolves marriages, families and careers."

"How do you say thank you to a New York sushi chef? Gracias."

"What's the difference between my wife and the dress? The dress is white and gold"

"Wish that Facebook had a ""drama of the day"" section to quick reference in my feed."

"The Energizer Bunny stole the Morton's girl umbrella. It was assault with battery!"

"What do you call the iron-stealing, oxygen-depleting metalloproteins that lurk in the red blood cells of all vertebrates? Hemogoblins."

"John Goodman descends from the sky on his hang glider, scooping stray cats into his mouth like a pelican."

"Do you know what a pirate's favorite letter is? You'd think it would be ""Arrrr"" but it's actually the C."

"what do you do if life gives you lemonade? make lemons out of it and life will be like whaaaat?!?"

"The day we decided such footwear would be called ""flip-flops"" was not our most creative moment."