176508

Joke of the Day

"The Energizer Bunny stole the Morton's girl umbrella. It was assault with battery!"

"I don't think Major Tom was much of an astronaut - Ground Control had to tell him to put his helmet on, FFS. That's pretty basic stuff."

"I asked a chinese girl for her number And she said "" SEX SEX SEX! FREE SEX TONIGHT! I replied ""wow!"" Then, her friend said ""I'm sorry, she meant, 6663629."

"[1st Row at Beyonce Concert] Beyonce: Who run da world?! *points mic at me* ME: [having briefly heard the song once before] ...squirrels?"

"Take me down to the console city Where the games are blurry and the frames are thirty."

"There are four Mexicans, one Chinese person, and three black people standing on your lawn. What do you have? A sprinkler system. Spic, spic, spic, spic, chink! Nigga, nigga, nigga."

"How many Jews can fit in a car? 2 In the front, 2 in the back, and six million in the ash tray! *Drops mic* *Gets shot*"

"[2054: We develop cheap cloning technology] [2055: Restaurant opens where you can have clones of yourself serve cooked clones of yourself]"

"What's the difference between a prostitute with irritable bowel syndrome and an epileptic oyster? You have to shuck the oyster between fits."

"9 years ago I asked the girl of my dreams out on a date. Today I asked her to marry me. She said no both times."