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Joke of the Day
"First rule to losing weight as a political world leader You only get out what you Putin."
Next Joke
"I recently bought 51% of a vampire hunting company. I'm now the main stake holder."
"What do you call a baby girl who died of alcohol poisoning? Give me a blender and we'll call her a bloody mary."
"All I wanna do is [gun shot noise] [cash register noise] [organ noise] [saxophone noise] [cow noise] [cat noise] Fix this broken synthesizer"
"An Ancient Greek walks into a tailor... An Ancient Greek walks into a tailor with a torn chiton, asks the tailor, ""Eumenides?"" The tailor responds, ""Euripedes?"""
"Dickens: It was the best of times, it was the worst of times Schrodinger: Nice, nice"
"What does a French beaver call her home? (From my 8 year old) Madame"
"How do Mexican cut pizza? Little Caesars."
"You know why gay men make such easy prisoners to guard... Because most already have a whistling alarm for when they try to run."
"How do you defend your breath mints? Tic-Tactically."