72927

Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between pizza and a black guy? The pizza can feed a family"

"[wife gets home] did you feed the baby his spinach today? [me doing push ups] hell no I'm not letting that baby get stronger than me"

"How do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on it! How do you catch a tame rabbit? Tame way!"

"free toilet paper samples at sams club today. everyones wiping their slopped up holes in the middle of the aisle. its disgusting"

"How does Alabama keep alcohol out of high school? Change the drinking age to 25"

"I hate it when engineering students refer to themselves as engineers... Like you don't see med students calling themselves doctors or arts students calling themselves unemployed."

"Did you hear that Napoleon broke the Sphinx's nose with a singe shot? It was a one-hit wonder. I'll show myself out."

"Love is that really warm feeling that starts from the tips of your fingers and goes towards the bottom of your hand. Oh no wait that's glove"

"Why did they name golf golf? Because fuck was already taken."

"I used to think the brain was the most important organ. Then I thought, *look what's telling me that.*"