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Joke of the Day

"Kim Kardashian just had a miscarriage... Her next show is going to be called 'Mopping Up After A Kardashian'"

"I am proud to announce that I have developed a foundation to aid abused women It's real thick to hide the bruises"

"Got home late to a note that said ""Wake me up for sex"", which I stared at for 10 mins before realizing it was my own handwriting."

"I'll tell you what I know about dwarves Very little. I can say that. They look up to me."

"[Trying to impress a cute girl with glasses] HER: So what kind of car do you drive? ME: A bookmobile."

"If we all end up going to jail for downloading music...... I at least hope they separate us by music genre."

"What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding half a worm in your apple. What's worse than finding half a worm in your apple? The holocaust."

"Elliptical machines are the caesar salad of exercise."

"When is the one time when no doesn't mean no? When a woman rejects feminism."

"What do you call a German virgin? Guttentight."