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Joke of the Day

"What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding half a worm in your apple. What's worse than finding half a worm in your apple? The holocaust."

"I don't like telling people I used to be a stalker. It sounds better saying ""I spent a lot of time studying a broad."""

"Who gave the Liberty Bell to Philadelphia ? Must have been a duck family A duck family ? Didn't you say there was a quack in it !"

"Liam Neeson's wife asks him to do some household chores Taken: Out the Garbage"

"*sees person I know in a crowd* *waves enthusiastically* * realizes I don't know person* * changes enthusiastic wave to awkward fist pump*"

"User interface? I hardly even know her!"

"I don't mean to brag, but instead of teaching a man how to fish, I just gave him a bunch of things to do when life hands him lemons."

"An Interview with a Master Ninja When questioned on whether he thought his pupil could win his upcoming training match the Sensei had this to say: ""Shuriken""."

"To do list:nn1) Kill the fly in my room. nn2) Try to snort multivitamins.nn3) Practice Hadouken in mirror.nn4) Kill the fly's loved ones."

"How many female country singers does it take to sing a Patsy Cline song? Every fucking one of them."