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Joke of the Day

"Elliptical machines are the caesar salad of exercise."

"These animal crackers are bullshit, this elephant tastes exactly like that giraffe did."

"Just had an idea for a book that'd be a good screenplay that'd make a great short that'd be an amazing blog that's totally a tweet."

"Did you know NASA 30 years ago made a new space drink? Ocean Spray - It was their second choice because they couldn't get 7-UP."

"Did you know: the average American spends 8,000 years of their life refilling Brita water pitchers."

"How did the tiny frozen dinner meet the little kid's belly? microwave"

"WIFE: there's a bear outside our tent ME: so W: so scare him off M: *unzips door* Donald Trump might become president *bear jumps into fire*"

"A little drunk. Playing scrabble with my cat. Not sure who's winning cause he's eaten most of his tiles."

"If you ever get hit by a car, try to spin like a ballerina. You won't get another chance like this."

"Is cakeday. Comment with best Latvian joke. Make laugh. Is good distract from malnourish."