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Joke of the Day

"i always feel slightly dishonest ticking the ""i'm not a robot"" box because how do i know, how does anyone know for certain"

"I was straining on the toilet this morning. ""Where's the fucking sieve?"" asked my wife."

"Why did the former fitter turned baker enter the lottery? To win dough."

"Scientists have found a definite link between sugar highs and pedophilia If you have a sugar high, you've probably eaten too many lolis."

"I like how supermarkets don't give a shit if an avocado is anywhere near ripe. They're like ""here, buy this, it may eventually become food"""

"What did the ghost say to the other ghost at the Halloween party? Let's get sheet-faced!"

"If Usain Bolt ever becomes a zombie we are all screwed."

"Why did the man get excited when he had sex with a pregnant woman? He could tell all his friends he had a threesome!"

"I asked my flamboyant son if he was gay and he beat around the bush. I wouldn't care if he is, I'm just pissed that I didn't get a straight answer."

"A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection... Judge says, First offender?' She says, No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!'"