228896

Joke of the Day

"Why did the man get excited when he had sex with a pregnant woman? He could tell all his friends he had a threesome!"

"My dad: See, when you said you'd met a ""special someone"" we thought... Me: Go on. My dad: Me: [taking hold of the penguin's flipper] GO ON."

"I do not have an obsession with tidiness. I just wanted to clear that up."

"[1st date] DATE: When I'm with a handsome man I get all nervous & involuntarily start speaking French ME [leans across] Oh really? DATE: Yes"

"I went to the Air and Space Museum It wasn't as empty as I thought it'd be."

"What does a neckbeard say when make him laugh? You made m'laugh."

"I remember my first crush..: Orange."

"What do you call weed from Denmark? Dansk kush."

"A man goes to the library and asks the librarian for a book on suicide, the librarian turns around and says ""fuck you, you wont bring it back"""

"Did you hear about the constipated Mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil."