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Joke of the Day

"CNN is running a spot called ""Why Tsumanis are Dangerous"". They should follow it with a spot on ""Why Journalism Is Dead""."

"Why doesn't Santa have kids? Because he only comes once a year and it's down a chimney"

"I once ordered a dry martini in Berlin... I once ordered a dry martini in Berlin. They brought me 3."

"Samsung just announced a series of water resistant phones.... Just what you want in a phone that sets itself on fire - to be water resistant."

"According to the vet, our dog is addicted to masturbation. I hope it doesn't rub off on our children."

"I keep making Freudian sex, I mean, slips."

"My son just got his brown belt in Tae Kwon Do. If you threaten him, he bows respectfully before he runs."

"If the speed of light is 186,000 miles/sec., what's the speed of darkness?"

"""You're not gonna get a quote out of me."" - Donald J. Trump ""Wrong."" - Donald J. Trump"

"I've been at this elementary school talent show for half an hour and I've already heard ""Shake It Off"" 137 times."