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Joke of the Day

"Why Don't Santa Claus and Misses Claus have children? Because Santa only comes once a year and when he does its down the chimney."

"I have my entire Valentine's day planned with my toaster! Okay, so first, we're going to take a bath."

"I know so much about cars All I need to see is their headlights and I can tell exactly which way they're going."

"I realized I needed an altitude adjustment... ...so I booked the next flight out of town."

"In honor of To Set A Watchmen coming out soon, what would Harper Lee's book be called if she was Mexican? Tequila Mockingbird."

"What are 5 ""Ms"" from Detroit? GM, Eminem and Michael Moore."

"Question: what is your best comeback to being called a motherf****r? examples: yes I did fuck your mom. Tell her hi. Tell her thanks for the crabs. Tell her I want the money she owes me."

"My relationship with my Ex was purely psychological... She was a psycho and I was totally logical."

"Sure, racists supporting Trump doesn't mean he's racist. But, if I was painting my house and the KKK said it looked good, I'd start over."

"How did Portland, Oregon protest Trump's wall? They blocked streets with a human wall"