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Joke of the Day

"My neighbor is a veterinarian I can never tell whether he's talking about putting an animal to sleep or the ""youth in Asia."""

"Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address you turn the radio down?"

"He died doing what he loved. He didn't know she was married."

"You must have been born on a highway... ...because that's where most accidents happen. Thanks random kid on CS:GO."

"I asked my Sushi Chef what his favorite roll was. . he said payroll."

"WIFE: Were you harassing that old gypsy woman again? ME: *fighting off a crow* Of course not! WIFE: You lying to me? ME: No. *rains frogs*"

"Just once, wouldn't it be good to hear an athlete thank Natural Selection for his team's victory?"

"Disappointed the ATM didn't shoot out a burst of confetti to congratulate me for having enough to pull out twenty bucks."

"What has 2000 eyes and 4000 feet? A thousand dogs."

"I tried phone sex once but the holes in the dial were too small."