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Joke of the Day

"WIFE: Were you harassing that old gypsy woman again? ME: *fighting off a crow* Of course not! WIFE: You lying to me? ME: No. *rains frogs*"

"Why does the number 288 not come up in polite conversation? Because it's two gross."

"Want to leave a lasting impression? Show up three hours late for a first date."

"My friend just told me he has a chocolate lab. Turns out it's a dog, not a place. Bummer."

"Anybody hear about what happened when Nietzche died? Oh, well I guess it doesn't really matter anyway..."

"TIFU: I was called in to teach 6th grade math but ended up teaching 8th grade english Sorry, wrong sub."

"I couldn't put it off any longer, at the mall to shop for Christmas presents. Christ, what was I thinking... I came here sober."

"My boss gave me a nice pat on the back the other day.. It made things a bit awkward on the shitter though."

"Did you hear about the Mexican train bomber? He had locomotives!"

"My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head."