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Joke of the Day

"WIFE: Were you harassing that old gypsy woman again? ME: *fighting off a crow* Of course not! WIFE: You lying to me? ME: No. *rains frogs*"

"At his funeral. I lay my hand on your shoulder. I apply pressure, gently, in an attempt to move you from in front of the snack table."

"These Mexican cannibals accidentally... These Mexican cannibals accidentally kill a priest for their meal. One of the guys asks the cook ""ay, what's for dinner?"" The cook says ""tacos al pastor"""

"I paid for my meal at McDonald's with love. [NSFW] I pulled out some money and the cashier was like, ""no, let me see you fuck this Big Mac instead."""

"What do you call an Egyptian surprise attack? A Tut offensive."

"Did you hear about the robbery at the bakery? The thieves said 'give me all your dough.'"

"Zeroing a scale is a tare-able decision . . . I'm sorry"

"What do you call a mythical milkshake? Legendairy (credits to my friend Edward Feng for this really dumb pun)"

"What is French Super Mario's favorite board game? Le Ouija"

"Me and my Girlfriend just broke up We had different views on history, I wanted to Hitler and she was just Stalin."