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Joke of the Day

"A Prius just tried to race me from a stop sign. I totally had it for the first 100 feet... But I can only walk so fast."

"My dad told me I was no son of his. Then my mom said ""Dammit how did he know?"""

"What time does Sean Connery attend the Wimbeldon? tenish."

"An old man died while having sex. (NSFW) He really went out with a bang."

"Q: What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs? A: Some traffic signs say stop."

"The brake is on the left, the gas peddle is on the right, & the liquor store is 4 miles ahead. -Me teaching my 3yr old niece how to drive"

"Photographers are so violent. They'll frame you, shoot you, blow you up and then hang you."

"growing up my sister was a cutter... thankfully, she got help and no longer cut herself; she would just ask me to do it..."

"There's no easy way to tell someone you lost their kid in a high stakes game of duck duck goose."

"Have you seen the new movie about Auschwitz? The plot was interesting but actors could have put more soul into their characters. It was a hollow cast."