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Joke of the Day
"What time does Sean Connery attend the Wimbeldon? tenish."
Next Joke
"People like to put words in your mouth, predictive-text likes to put words in your phone."
"In hell, your mouth is always freshly brushed & minty, and all they have to drink is orange juice."
"Honey! I'm pregnant! Hello pregnant, I'm Dad."
"There are two types of people in this world: Those who need closure..."
"What do you call tension in the percussion section? Druma"
"I beat a Prius today... Thank goodness I had on my running shoes."
"[becomes allergic to the floor midway through a date & slowly floats out of a window]"
"Why the Indian programmers are good at C or Java, but not Basic? Because they're cast-sensitive!"
"Still super weird to me that humans can make other smaller humans. I wish mozzarella sticks could make other smaller mozzarella sticks."