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Joke of the Day

"I have a job for you planting tulips.... ON DIS DICK!"

"More sad news in the music industry today... Kanye west was found alive in his house this morning..."

"Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors."

"I was gonna tell a sodium joke but... NA"

"Accidentally used 13's shower gel, so I just copped a huge attitude, yelled at everyone and slammed some doors."

"I asked to switch seats because there was a god damn SCREAMING infant next to me, and I couldn't sleep. They told me no. Apparently you're not allowed to move away from your own child."

"How do you say Vaseline in German? Vienerslidein"

"Instead of ""the John"" I decided to start calling my bathroom ""the Jim"" I needed to workout more. Now first thing in the morning I always go to the Jim!"

"Did you really get a crocodile tattooed around your belly button? -IT'S AN ALLIGATOR KAREN. GOD YOU'RE SUCH AN IDIOT."

"Fun game: Take pictures with your camera sound turned up when someone comes into the bathroom stall next to yours."