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Joke of the Day

"I've seen people tear a phone book in half with their bare hands & I just had to use scissors to open a bagged salad."

"I'm trying to see things from your point of view, but I can't get my head that far up my ass."

"I just got mistaken for an employee at a haunted house. Assume it's because I look authoritative not because I look like I'm wearing a mask."

"Yo mama so fat, the sorting hat placed her in the house of pancakes."

"Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza"

"The trouble with unemployment is that the minute you wake up in the morning you're on the job."

"I felt sorry for the hypnotist I saw last night. He hypnotised 8 fellas but dropped his microphone on his foot.......and shouted ""Fuck me!"" What happened next will haunt me for life!!"

"Why did the girl reject iron oxide? Because it was FeO"

"Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the 'P' is silent!"

"I'm split on the topic of abortion.... On one hand I don't want to give women rights. But on the other hand I love killing babies."