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Joke of the Day

"I just got mistaken for an employee at a haunted house. Assume it's because I look authoritative not because I look like I'm wearing a mask."

"Life Advice Never argue with an idiot. They'll drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience."

"If you're wearing sunglasses & it's not at all sunny out, you can't get offended when I grab your arm to guide you safely across the street."

"I used to do drugs... I still do. But I used to, too."

"Whats the most politically divided animal? The polar bear.. I'll see myself out..."

"What did the chicken do when he saw a bucket of fried chicken ? She kicked the bucket !"

"I invented a new sex position called the JFK I splatter all over her while she feverishly tries to get out of the car."

"MY ROOMBA IS SOMEHOW LOOSE OUTDOORS AND I'M TERRIFIED OF THE CONSEQUENCES FOR THE ECOSYSTEM AS IT HAS NO NATURAL PREDATORS."

"How many hippies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Hippies don't screw in light bulbs, they screw in tents."

"The saddest joke I've heard My wife ran off with my best friend... Now, when I throw the stick, it just lays there."