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Joke of the Day

"Some guy jumped me in the alley...! Yeah he was so nice. My battery had run out because I left my lights on!"

"Fred: Thank you so much for lending me that money. I shall be everlastingly in your debt. Harry: That's what I'm afraid of!"

"Life is more exciting when you're out there living it. I read that somewhere."

"what is the funniest number? 69, cuz its also the name of a sex move."

"Can you imagine getting the girl of dream's phone number and her first text to you she spells it ""defantely"""

"""Awww. There there."" *pats you on the face. Hard"

"A Tumblr user walks into a DIY store..... A Tumblr user walks into a DIY store and steals one item. He take a fence"

"My 4 year old told me to just turn the tire around as the top part isn't flat. I don't care if it's wrong - that's still some great logic."

"What do you call a teenage boy who turns into a vampire before he gets bit? Premature Edraculation"

"Damn, i got hit with the ""we need to talk"" from my wife. Thank God it was just about divorce. I was scared shitless it was an intervention."