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Joke of the Day
"""Awww. There there."" *pats you on the face. Hard"
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"Whats around $5000+ and enhances personality? Breast implants."
"I can't help but pronounce A, E, I, O, and U very aggressivley. I think I have irrititable vowel syndrome."
"If Hillary Clinton stripped off her pant suit, what would you see? Depends."
"*Pulls gun* Alright give me the money, and don't try anything stupid."" *Tries to put a fork in a light socket* ""Hey! What did I just say""!?"
"Did you know Hellen Keller had a dog? Neither did she."
"Why don't they let whales into strip clubs? They tend to humpback."
"I'm trying to bring a taco into this club...let's see if the bouncer finds it when he frisks me"
"[two hours into describing a criminal to a police sketch artist] ...But when he took off the mask, he just looked like a normal guy"
"My girlfriend complained about my obsession with spices. So I said, ""Bae, leave."""