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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a teenage boy who turns into a vampire before he gets bit? Premature Edraculation"

"Him: Will you marry me? Me: omg what did I do, why don't you want to have sex with me anymore?"

"I thought getting a vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant. Apparently it just changes the color of the baby."

"Please, keep talking. I always yawn when I am interested."

"I'm diabetic, and I can't eat sweets It'll cost me an arm and a leg. (It's ok for me to post this, cos I am actually a diabetic)"

"What did the Buddhist Monk say to the Hot Dog Vendor? ""Make me one with everything"" (assuming he would be able to talk in the first place)"

"I'm giving up alcohol for a month.... Wait, sorry. That came out wrong. I'm giving up. Alcohol for a month."

"What's the hardest thing about nailing a baby to a tree? My Penis."

"Judge: ""Micky, I can't grant you a divorce from Minnie Mouse, because she is not crazy"" ""I didn't say she was crazy Judge, I said she was fucking Goofy"""

"Q: How does a blind skydiver know the ground is near? A: The leash goes slack."