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Joke of the Day

"I don't know how Valve managed to do it, but... they even included the British Pound in their summer sale this year."

"why is it so hard just to get your kids to say ""bitch please"" and ""bitch thank you"""

"I wonder if the coach of the opposing team on Air Bud got fired when he explained to the principal how a golden retriever outscored his team"

"Kids used to call me ""four eyes"" in school. I'm not sure if it was because of my nerd glasses or because I spelled my name Loriiii."

"How do you read the Gospel According to Shrek? Open your bible to Psalm BODY ONCE TOLD ME"

"I heard they came out with the new black transformer... His name is Optimus *Crime*"

"After my fourth failed relationship, my friend tells me 'keep your head up, these girls come and go, but you'll find someone for you', but deep down i know... Girls don't just come and go... I do."

"To all the people saying I have fat fingers... FYVK OFF"

"Let's get married and have kids so instead of doing fun stuff on the weekend we can go to a kid's birthday party where everyone coughs."

"What did the one volcano say to the other volcano? Do you lava me like I lava you. It's beautiful."