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Joke of the Day

"Let's get married and have kids so instead of doing fun stuff on the weekend we can go to a kid's birthday party where everyone coughs."

"Jesse James married my sister. He's know my brother out-law"

"Look, if you didn't want to go to prison you should've started a war or destroyed the economy. But you downloaded a movie, you felon"

"As a bootleg vet, I get asked to turn cats into dogs it's a ruff job."

"Nothing says ""high-functioning alcoholic"" like being really good at darts."

"Marrying my gay friend bc it's important for couples to have common interests and we are both interested in men!"

"Never trust an atom... They make up everything."

"My wife looks like the cats in those cucumber videos when she turns around & sees me naked."

"Pavlov is sitting at a pub enjoying a pint; the phone rings,and he jumps up shouting: ""Oh Shit, I forgot to feed the dog!"""

"When I was growing up my parents used to tell me that I can be anyone I wanted. Now the police call that Identity theft."