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Joke of the Day

"I wonder if the coach of the opposing team on Air Bud got fired when he explained to the principal how a golden retriever outscored his team"

"[Inventing Cotton Candy] What if insulation was delicious?"

"If you got a butcher who is 6'2, what does he weigh? Meat."

"*First date. Her. ""Shall we carve our names onto this tree"" Me. ""You brought a knife?"""

"Cat: Lame. Just lame. Me: Shut up. Not everyone goes out Friday nights u know. Cat: Leave extra food out. Im bringing a girl home. Me: ...ok"

"A guy goes to a record store to pick up a Meshuggah CD... but he can't because it's too heavy."

"Have you heard of the object without mass? It doesn't matter"

"*two minor inconveniences happen at the same time* me: *needs to lie down for 3 days*"

"do i own a boat? no no no. im afraid of the ocean. i guess u coud say.. *removes glasses* i cant sea"

"Sarah Jessica Parker? Horse."