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Joke of the Day
"Uses pic of car as profile pic. Gets hunted down by Decepticons."
Next Joke
"Hey, who did you vote for?... I wrote in Michael J. Fox. I think he can really shake things up!"
"""Hey, Cyclops."" ""Hey, Cyclops, are you still dating Jean?"" ""No, Storm, we broke up. You could say she's my..."" *lowers sunglasses* *eye beams obliterate Storm*"
"Me:Everything you know about me is a lie.Coworker:So you didnt dance naked in the fountain at the mall?Me: Everything other than that."
"Did you hear apple just invented gifs? They called it live photos"
"What's worse than finding a worm in your apple..? Cancer."
"How do you disappoint a redditor? Just say ""Ifunny is better than reddit"""
"Me, age 18: I'll be a homeowner by the time I'm in my 30s Me, in my 30s: I own a single pair of matching socks"
"Do you know what really brings your face together? A really bad smell!"
"My ex used to say there was one person for everyone. I didn't realise he planned to be that person"