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Joke of the Day

"Uses pic of car as profile pic. Gets hunted down by Decepticons."

"The hardest part of the day after running a marathon is finding ways to work it into every single conversation you have."

"Invention: When your heart stops beating, your smartphone and laptop instantaneously explode. PATENT PENDING!!"

"I spent 2 years in rehab for my Phil Collins addiction. I did it against all odds. Just take a look at me now."

"My wife just accused me of being a transvestite. So I packed her things and left!!"

"I had an imaginary girlfriend for a few years, but she ended up leaving me for my best friend. He had a bigger imagination than I did."

"Personal trainer: So what's your goal? Me: I wanna look good in pictures that I'm not the one taking"

"I like my coffee like I like my women... With my dick in it."

"Did you hear about the basketball player that fell in love with a midget? He was nuts over her!"

"God was able to create everything in only 6 days cause he didn't have a woman next to him telling him what color she wanted everything to be"