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Joke of the Day

"Invention: When your heart stops beating, your smartphone and laptop instantaneously explode. PATENT PENDING!!"

"Wanna terrify a homeless dude? Dress as a grocery store clerk and pretend to scan all the stuff in his shopping cart"

"Why did the former porn actor get fired from his job as a gas station attendant? Right before the tanks were full, he would pull out the nozzle and spray gas all over the car."

"Remember to horrify your friends and family by testing out your tweets on Facebook today"

"A psychic midget escaped from jail... Police bulletin read, ""Small medium at large."""

"My wife is all, ""we love each other so much we finish each other's sentences,"" until it comes to a prison sentence."

"I never wear red because I don't want to anger any bulls disguised as cab drivers or businessmen."

"If Trump gets elected this November I'm going to jack off Because I might as well cum if I'm getting fucked."

"Dr Watson asks Sherlock Holmes... ""Holmes, why are you spreading fruit juice on my buttocks?"" ""Lemon entry dear Watson, Lemon entry"""

"Why is Jewish apple cake Jewish? Because it's baked in an oven..."