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Joke of the Day

"Little kid walks in on his daddy masturbating... * Daddy, what are you doing? * I am jerking off, soon you will be doing it. * But why, daddy? * Because my hand is getting tired."

"I am never too old to redecorate your garden gnomes in the middle of the night."

"Hi electron, will you be at home tonight? Probably."

"What's black and blue and hates sex? The boy scout in my trunk."

"The sampler tester at the liquor store told me to stop coming back every hour in a disguise."

"I didn't text you just to exercise my fingers, I was expecting a reply back..."

"Not that anybody asked, but the Irresistible Force beats the Immovable Object every time."

"Money can't buy you happiness? Well, poverty can't buy you anything."

"There's Angie, and then there's Drunk Angie, and one of us tried to make it to Mexico on an exercise bike."

"[impatiently yells] ""What do I have to do to get a margarita around here??"" And that's when I got kicked out of Dairy Queen."