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Joke of the Day

"When you go to the movies first thing you need to do is pour a drink in the seat in front of you so nobody can sit there.."

"I drank too much water I'm going to pee for it later."

"Who is the chess player's dream companion? A *Czech Mate*"

"What's the difference between broccoli and boogers? You can't get kids to eat broccoli."

"What Job will Mr Miyagi take on when he retires from Martial Arts? Plastic Surgeon. Japanese accent ""Rax on, Rax off"""

"Doing crystal meth lowers your risk of dying from cancer... by raising your risk of dying from crystal meth."

"What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? We better get some support soon or people will think we're nuts"

"This morning i had an eye opening expereince. Damn alarm clock"

"Math is sad. It takes hours to try to prove your point, but only one counterexample to destroy everything. Much like my marriage."

"Apparently the Royal Family is running out of money. They're down to just 26.5 million ...Which is what happens when nobody in your family has had a job for the last thousand years."