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Joke of the Day

"When you go to the movies first thing you need to do is pour a drink in the seat in front of you so nobody can sit there.."

"I was going to post my best Madeline McCann joke but my parents would kill me"

"What did the drunken Irishman say to the Chinese diplomat? http://www.reddit.com/r/Youwritethepunchline/comments/2zg1zy/what_did_the_drunken_irishman_say_to_the_chinese/"

"The Best Sean Connery Joke In EXISTENCE! (Read in Mr. Connery's voice) Ash I wash walking through my houshe, a book fell on me. I had only myshelf to blame."

"A nation that looks at a quivering tower of gray Arby's meat product and thinks ""this is healthy"" cuz there's no bun is capable of anything."

"A book fell on my head today... I can only blame myshelf."

"When you are dead, you don't know you are dead. It's painful only for others. It's the same for if you are stupid."

"I'd work out, but I'm still trying to perfect my ""before"" picture"

"My resume is just an old VHS tape of the ""Life Goes On"" episode where Corky lip syncs ""Fight the Power"" for his school's talent show."

"What do Dracula's girlfriend and Mike Tyson have in common? They both go down for the count!!"