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Joke of the Day

"I bet Hell is sitting in front of every person you know while a slideshow of all of your deleted selfies is played on a loop."

"My next door neighbour is really loud and obnoxious. So now I know how Canada feels. Well, it's what he would have wanted more."

"How can you tell you have a really bad case of acne? It's when the blind try to read your face."

"Why do Jews have big noses? cuz air is free"

"Why don't they have Oktoberfest in Africa? Because nobody there is much of a drinker."

"How many decades of knowing someone before it's rude to ask what their name is?"

"[at stadium with child] Me: That is batball. [at the races] Me: That is horse circles. [at the opera] Me: This is horned yodeling."

"A cannibal chief was just about to stew his latest victim for dinner when the man protested ""You can't eat me ? I'm the manager!"" ""Well"" said the cannibal ""soon you'll be a manager in chief."""

"When 13 witches collectively fart in a cauldron and quickly cover it with a lid... *lowers shades* ...Dutch Coven."

"So Hilary, what are your plans for economic development and beating ISIS if you ever win the election? ""I have a boyfriend"""