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Joke of the Day

"[at stadium with child] Me: That is batball. [at the races] Me: That is horse circles. [at the opera] Me: This is horned yodeling."

"People who have 'taken' in their bio, sit tight, Liam Neeson will around to collect you shortly"

"One man gave his life, so you could have everything you ever wanted, and his name was JOHN CENA "

"For some reason I keep making bread puns Dough I knead to stop"

"Did you hear about the two radio antennae who fell in love and decided to get married? The ceremony was okay, but the reception was excellent."

"What do you call bees that produce milk? Boo-Bees...."

"What is Napoleon Dynamite's Favorite TV Dinner? Tot Pockets"

"[on a date] I've got butterflies in my stomach ""that's so cute. You dont have to be nervous"" [flashback to me eating some butterflies] ok"

"The year is 2316. Humans have 12ft long arms from centuries of taking selfies."

"My parents taught me that if I tried hard I could be anything I wanted to be. Sure they just meant for Halloween, but it was still nice."