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Joke of the Day

"How do you know when a black woman is pregnant? When you pull out her tampon and all the cotton is picked."

"I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch."

"I told my dog to heel... So he went to the hospital and did all he could."

"I told you not to let those pigs In my office. Now look what's happened. They've eaten all the dates off my calendar!"

"And on Good Friday, I'm once again reminded that I'm a lonely virgin. Even Jesus got nailed today."

"What do you call a smiley face if someone uses it that lives in an igloo? An Eskimoji"

"I just killed like a dozen carpenter ants and now I have no idea what I'm going to do with all these little tool belts."

"Why did the hipster burn his tongue on his coffee? Cus he drank it before it was cool."

"Shame about Amanda Todd, killed by dyslexia. The label on the bleach said ""seek attention if ingested"", not ""seek attention and ingest""."

"It takes a long time to delete 900 million dollars worth of stuff from an Amazon shopping cart."