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Joke of the Day

"Well, I just broke my personal best time by wearing a white shirt 13 minutes before getting a stain on it."

"Nothing scares me more than when my husband answers me and I'm left wondering just how much he's actually been listening."

"How many animals can you fit in a pair of pantyhose...? 10 little piggies, 2 calves, a beaver, a clam, an ass, some hares, and a fish that no one can seem to find"

"My family is very poor. If I don't wakeup with a boner on Christmas morning I won't have anything to play with."

"He said I was average - but he was just being mean."

"When I go to Subway I always bring a pair of pants that are 10 times to big for me and high five all the workers."

"I love giving my girlfriend orgasms. Too bad she just spits them out."

"(Describing Guy Fieri to sketch artist): Literally a flaming hot cheeto"

"Why was Cinderella bad at basketball? Because her coach was always a pumpkin."

"People stuck in an elevator called for help. They were let down."