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Joke of the Day

"Nothing scares me more than when my husband answers me and I'm left wondering just how much he's actually been listening."

"the worst part about hitting a child in public... is getting caught by their parents."

"I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on the tube and think, 'I'll fucking have that!'"

"help keep the English language alive by teaching your kids nearly outdated expressions Plus nothing beats a 5yo pointing & yelling ""BEHOLD!"""

"Al Gore's so boring his secret service name is Al Gore"

"Why type of nut do Wallflowers like? Walnuts"

"I have no idea what Steampunk is except that it must be healthier than Fried Punk."

"I'm glad he's single because I'm going to climb that like a tree."

"What is the United States doing to fight pedophiles? Child Obesity."

"Q: What's an archeologist? A: Someone whose career is in ruins."