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Joke of the Day

"My daughter asked if I am going to die someday... I said ""Don't worry sweetheart. I promise I'll be alive for the rest of my life."""

"Uber lost over a billion dollars in the last six months so they're asking their drivers to check between the seat cushions."

"What's hard, long and has cum in it? A Cucumber..."

"Why did the guy with a 7-days-a-week sexual job look forward to the weekend? Because his favorite part of sexual intercourse is the BEGINNING and END!"

"I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now."

"What's a feminist's favorite math class? Triggernometry."

"I just clogged a urinal?"

"Did you hear that scientists recently discovered a new state of matter? Now there are four! Solid, liquid, gas, and black lives."

"Just got hired on at a high end restaurant, my main job so far has been oyster preparation And I've gotta say, it really shucks"

"I'll call it smartphone when it slaps me in the face before sending a text to an ex."