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Joke of the Day

"I hate the alphabet so much... I'm thinking about burning an F or G."

"If I'm going to be in your dreams tonight please let me know so I can stuff some socks down the front of my pants."

"Why is the Ocean blue? Because the fish go blublublu."

"Reports are coming in of an elephant doing a ton in the highway. Police ask motorists to drive carefully and to yield right of way."

"I'm tired of this one night stand mentality in college... I have multiple lamps and alarm clocks, I need at least two night stands."

"I hope I'm never involved in a long trial, mostly because I only own one suit."

"I have a superiority complex It's literally my ONLY flaw."

"Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver. Pee is yellow. Shit is brown. I am drunk. This is a tweet."

"How come Landscapers have huge loads? They are always edging."

"Soda Can Yesterday someone hit my head with a soda can, luckily it was a soft drink."