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Joke of the Day

"I don't understand why we give bad kids coal. Isn't coal what minors want?"

"What do you call a fruit that procrastinates? ...A Cramberry!"

"I have a love hate relationship... Fuck everyone else."

"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later."

"I just realized the Dictionary.com app on my phone, reads out any word I type, including 'penis'. I can't wait for that meeting tomorrow."

"Yellowstone park rangers have discovered a Grizzly that only eats cheese... ... it's a Camembert."

"Ted Cruz just looks like a... Saturday Night Live Skit"

"Pavlov is sitting at a pub enjoying a pint; the phone rings,and he jumps up shouting: ""Oh Shit, I forgot to feed the dog!"""

"I tried to tell my son the joke about the donkey eating corn. He said he didn't want to hear another corny ass joke out of me."

"I lied and told someone, ""I can't go to your party I have diarrhea."" I actually do have diarrhea but historically that hasn't stopped me"