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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the baker who became a fisherman? He's reeling in the dough!"

"[couples therapy] HER: He's always talking down to me ME: *heavy sigh* It's called being condescending but I doubt you knew that, Karen"

"Future Headline: ""Trump Caught On Tape Eating Newborn Babies, Hillary Caught Using Friend's Netflix Password Undecideds Still On The Fence"""

"""Upscale"" sounds like a euphemism for ""fat."""

"What's worse than a lobster on your piano? Crabs on your organ."

"Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap He was high on my list of priorities"

"I'm not saying my ex wasn't pretty, but every time my wallet got stolen the thief would return her picture."

"I saw a smart car get hit with a snow ball today, yep, it was totalled!"

"How many pick-up artists does it take to change a lightbulb? Zero. They just keep praising and negging it, and then get upset when it doesn't screw."

"What did the buffalo say to his son as he left for School?! Bison"