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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between jam and marmalade? I can't marmalade my dick up your ass."

"I just saw a guy with a mustache exactly like my grandpa's. I doubt it was his though; grandpa never let anyone borrow his mustache."

"Woman: When my husband died... ...his dying wish was to be liquidised into perfume. Friend: It's so sad that he's gone. Woman: Well he's still here in essence."

"Me: Can I have a quickie? Waitress: Sir, it's pronounced ""quiche""."

"Did you hear about the man with five penises? His condom fitted like a glove."

"Like it or not... That's how Facebook works."

"A Roman walks into a bar Holds up two fingers and says five beers please."

"This guy at the bar wouldn't shut up about how Zombies ""could be real"" So I killed him... If he comes back...He wins the argument"

"History Joke What do you call a communist sniper? A Marxman!"

"Gas is so cheap right now, I just buy a new car when I run out."