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Joke of the Day

"Woman: When my husband died... ...his dying wish was to be liquidised into perfume. Friend: It's so sad that he's gone. Woman: Well he's still here in essence."

"What do you call.. What do you call toothless bear. A gummy bear!"

"What time does Sean Connery leave to go to Wimbledon? Tennish."

"I just spent 38 minutes on the phone w my mother. And she couldn't tell I was drinking. I'm worried about her, now."

"I like my exes suicides how I like my whiskey On the rocks."

"*leans back in chair* wow, what a great question. I guess I'd say my biggest weakness is the 5 felony convictions I left off my application"

"Why didn't Zeke get that job at the KFC off the interstate? He thought they'd want to hear that back at the farm, he likes doin' chickens right also."

"Why are double amputees always wrong? Because they don't have a leg to stand on. Note: I'm a right leg amputee and I made this up myself."

"""He's more scared of you than you are of him"" - Girl coaching her friend into talking to me"

"Two ninjas were having an argument Two ninjas were arguing over which one was the better ninja. The first says, ""Man, you can't even throw a ninja star."" The second ninja says, ""Shuriken."""