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Joke of the Day

"The snow in the front yard is melting and so far I've found 3 unopened beers. *Adds party planner to resume*"

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"What kind of charge did the Couch place against the Recliner? Sectional assualt."
"What is said at the conclusion of a lesbian marriage ceremony? You may fist the bride"
"What did the sarcastic left hand say to the right hand? ""You always think you're right!"""
"I got arrested for running out of gas on the highway. I told the cop I was on E."
"It's warmer now, but I'm colder than when it was colder."
"What do we want? A cure for Tourettes! When do we want it? dejbxwsishcuntbxwddhiqxbjsbjx!"
"Pizza will never hurt your feelings."
"So I was watching gay porn yesterday... And I saw my doppelwanger."
"I like my girls like I like my pepperoni pizza White, full of fat and red dots all over them... :-("