69976

Joke of the Day

"Instead of a DING DONG sound, I wish my doorbell would explain to the person how much I don't want to get off the couch."

"I work in a call center and a customer told me this one. A lonely man puts in ad out in the paper looking for a wife. the next day he gets 100 responses all from men saying ""you can have mine"""

"-Where was I conceived, dad? Dad: Ahh *rubs back of neck* At the Bellagio in Las Vegas. -Rly? Dad: Wd I lie to u, Bestwestern Broomcloset?"

"Saw a bird at my feeder shit on another bird's head and that bird just kept right on eating. I've never before felt this close to nature."

"Old joke perfect for redditors. Frog walks into a library and the librarian puts down books and the frog says ""reddit, reddit, reddit."". Just thought I'd share"

"The three unwritten rules for success and hapiness 1. 2. 3."

"Why is Iraq like the weather in Britain? Because it's either Sunni or Shiite"

"Energizer Bunny made a mess.... I put the batteries in backwards and it just kept cumming and cumming"

"[All credit to Ana Kasparian from the TYT Network] So, I heard Kim Kardashian is having Kanye West's baby... At least she let him finish."

"The Violin Ensemble playing in Carnegie Hall somehow got an R-18 rating... The censors say it contains explicit scenes of violins encore."