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Joke of the Day

"Customer: How come the Board of Health hasn't come in and closed you up? Waiter: They're afraid to eat here."

"Yo momma so fat that she has to use two IRC clients to get online."

"why does traditional Irish chili only have 239 beans in it? ...if it had one more, it would be ""teew faarty"""

"What do you call a nut that eats other nuts? A pecan-nibal! Made this up at work while hungry."

"I will never forget my grandpas last words. ""Stop shaking the ladder you cunt!"""

"Wild horses could definitely drag me away. Tame horses could too. A slightly muscular hamster probably could drag me away at this point."

"I get so excited when someone brings out the cake at a birthday party because that means I can leave soon."

"Rival Gang Leader: Me: Rival Gang Leader's mom: [nudges son] go on Rival Gang Leader: sorry I tried to shoot you"

"'How To Cope With Disappointment' ;-) Saw a sign outside of an office building which said ""Today's workshop 'How To Cope With Disappointment' has been cancelled"""

"I've discovered I own five umbrellas, if anyone wants to stage a musical number."