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Joke of the Day

"Coworker: You're so condescending and arrogant. Me: They mean the same thing so you didn't need to say both."

"Why was the driver fired from the destruction derby? He was accused of wreckless driving."

"Why do scholars use big words? To avoid circumlocution."

"""My name is Robert and I support apples."" -- Bob for apples"

"I lost two things today. My virginity.. ..and my job at the morgue."

"You would never be able to live down to your reputation, but I see you're doing your best."

"Dramatic performance I once had a dramatic performance on the subject of puns, but then I realized it was just a play on words."

"What did Einstein text to his friend who he'd see tomorrow? E=MC U L8R"

"What did the tie say to the hat? You go on ahead - I'll just hang around."

"How do you know when a politician is lying? Their mouth is moving."