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Joke of the Day

"Rival Gang Leader: Me: Rival Gang Leader's mom: [nudges son] go on Rival Gang Leader: sorry I tried to shoot you"

"This may be the vodka talking, but ."

"You know how you can tell that your wife is a slob? When you go to piss in the sink and it's still full of dirty dishes"

"I just don't get you people who prefer the cold over the heat. The best times of my life are spent being hot, sweaty, and naked. Not cold, shivering, and bundled up."

"What is a sheep with no legs? A Cloud."

"Who did the dyslexic devil worshipper sell his soul to? Santa"

"When I was young I wanted to date a doctor for money. Can you believe how superficial I was?!? Now I would date him for the prescriptions."

"Whats green and can jump a mile a minute ? A frog with hiccups !"

"I can't tell if the vegans upstairs are having sex or are finally eating a steak."

"I'd like your advice on this, as long as it agrees with what I already did"