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Joke of the Day

"Rival Gang Leader: Me: Rival Gang Leader's mom: [nudges son] go on Rival Gang Leader: sorry I tried to shoot you"

"I was in Ferguson last night and got jumped by 5 black guys! The car started right up, they just said it just needs a new battery. What nice gentlemen i thought to myself."

"So a man walks into a game shop and buys COD: Ghosts...... ...gets it home, plays it and realises it's the same as every other COD game ever. Guess that's not really a joke....."

"If you see a hot girl walking you should honk your horn to let her know you're intrested and afraid to talk to girls."

"All of the food in my fridge is on my to-poo list."

"I just found out my grandmother only has one day left to live. And I know this might sound cruel... ...but I'm not paying the ransom. -Anthony Jeselnik"

"How come you never see elephants hiding up trees? Because they are really good at it."

"Sir, your wife was stabbed ten times, but the missing piece is the murder weapon. So far we have nothing, Mr *checks notes* Scissorhands."

"[Job interview] ""What are your strengths?"" Me: I fall in love easily. ""Erm, okay... what are your weaknesses?"" Me: Those blue eyes of yours."

"Math problems were invented by men, just so women would be wrong some of the time."